What is like out there?
Its weird because I'm reading my blog like its someone else's blog...I read, perhaps post a comment, than leave...
I haven't had a free minute for what feels like forever...really. I have practically been living at work...preferring to work in the office than at home on the weekends.
There is so much more life out there to live.
As a sidebar to the below conversations on relationships that I want to continue...could someone please tell me what I'm missing out on out there? You know...in the world of the living?
(i did have some fun this weekend, congratulations to Sean for his baptism and birthday)
posted by Valerie @ 11:00 AM
3 Comments
3 Comments:
alright... i can't NOT comment on this whole marriage subject... i COMPLETELY agree with Mandy that we (as women - and especially being SDA) are raised to believe that getting married is what we are supposed to do. like, it's a reflection on us if we're NOT married or don't want to be. and lots of girls out there do chalk that up to their "self-worth".
being in colorado and away from EVERYTHING that is SDA has made me think about a lot of things... things about the way that we are brought up. i know sooooooooo many girls (mostly SDA - and some not) who actually believe (or at least it seems to me) that a "goal" you should have for your life is to get married and have a family. when this doesn't happen during or right out of college they get all freaked out and wonder "what's wrong with me?". better yet, a lot of them get depressed and act like they can't survive without a boyfriend/husband/whatever. and those people who do have their so-deemed "perfect" life with the hubby/wife, the kids, the house, etc... look down on us single girls like there actually IS something wrong with us... (let me back up for a second and explain a previous comment... the reason i attribute this to the SDA lifestyle is because it seems like that's what everyone in our system does... they go to school, get married and live the same life that their parents live... go to church, have some kids, and when their kids (and friends' kids) are old enough - they start asking... "so what's up?? when are you getting married?? why don't you have a boyfriend???" it just seems like our church puts so much emphasis/pressure on having a "family" lifestyle as opposed to being single. - I don't notice this as much in other people - and trust me, i know practically the entire towns of Aspen & Snowmass and NOBODY here is SDA. Most of my SDA friends are married or soon to be and YOUNG. Most of my friends here in Colorado are still single and older than me [and I'm old]).
Anyway... my point is this... YOU'RE NOT MISSING OUT ON ANYTHING, VALERIE!!! And don't let people make you believe that you are. I'm tired of everyone asking us when we're getting married... guess what... maybe NEVER. just because you have a m-friend, who you've been with for a while, doesn't mean that you have to rush in to anything. Yes, it took Marvin & Ila 7 or 8 years or something...and they NEVER stopped getting pressure from EVERYONE at home. I'm glad they waited - and I hope it lasts. If you're going to spend the rest of your life with someone anyway, what's the rush... and what does a stupid little piece of paper mean? Just because you've signed something doesn't mean that you're not going to have problems.
Maybe I'm just bitter because I know at least three couples (all really good friends of mine) who have gotten divorced in the past three months. AND... I know another two or three couples (who have been together for four or more years) who have split up recently as well (i think there's something in the water). Anyway... i'm just saying that marriage isn't everything.
But I also want you to know that... you're not missing out on anything "out there" either... trust me.
i could go on and on (and on) about this subject... but i'm going to stop now so that the rest of you reading Val's blog don't get too pissed at me.
for those of you who are engaged or married... congratulations and good luck. i'm not trying to put you guys down either (and in fact, i'm MOSTLY happy for all of my married/engaged friends)... marriage is obviously what you want for your life and that's awesome... but for some of us... we don't necessarily need it!
hope i didn't offend too many of you.
Casey, don't worry about offending anyone. You were not abusive and did not single anyone out. I do understand what you're talking about with the whole SDA thing, though. It really is a big deal within our church. Especially in certain areas of the United States. It is, many times, looked upon as an indicator of success or even happiness. There are some people who are happy and wouldn't mind finding someone, but who are happy without someone already. Finding someone for those people would only increase or compliment their satisfaction. I tend to fit into that category.
I'm sure you, Casey, would not be offended in any way if you found the right person and I don't think that you meant that, either. So, what I'm saying is, that it is okay for you to feel a bit uncomfortable with the fact that so many people (who you wish would just be happy for you with what God has provided so far) are putting pressure on you. It isn't easy to endure and they mean well, I'm sure you know, but your feelings are valid.
I know that when I went to Southern Adventist University, I was in shock that so many young people were getting married. I felt sorry for them for the longest! Some were happy and are still married while some are currently struggling or have already experienced divorce. I am so happy for all those who have found thier life-long loves because I care about my friends. Personally, I come from an Adventist home, but different background. Many people where I'm from, here in Florida, are striving for education, careers, etc. and putting less stress on the marriage thing. I think that's okay, too. When many different people from many different backgrounds come together, this type of behavior can be expected. I feel badly that you, Casey, have had to deal with this pressure because you are just fine the way you are and God will take care of you. Don't you worry:)
if you think adventists have it bad... think of the poor mormon kids. i go to school with a lot of them at llu and they tell me their church actually views getting married as a COMMANDMENT by God. just like not lying or coveting or murdering! imagine the anxiety this causes for the poor non-married 30-somethings!
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