I so tired...

I am exhausted. But not as exhausted as my boyfriend. who, by the way, is my property manager. i own rental property now. in this day and age of rising home values, the going theory of keeping the house, having someone practially pay your mortgage while watching your investment grow...well, that thought was pretty darn attractive.

notice, i said, "was."

did i mention i was exhausted? mainly mentally exhausted. you see, i do not have an entreneural spirit in this body of mine. i do not possess a tendancy for risk in business. it's something i'm definitely working on, but it does not come naturally to me. nope, naturally, it does not come.

so, when i say I'm exhausted, i'm talkin' stressed. (on a side note, when I say my boyfriend is exhausted, i'm meaning physically...the poor guy sure knows how to fix up a house...but i digress)

i have come to realize that i take a lot upon myself. i'm the mommy, the responsible one, the one that plans for the future, likes to help, is willing to help or be in charge in order to get things done. i'm the frickin' "go-to" girl. when i was a kid, my brother, sister, and i all played instruments. for all my asian peeps out there, you KNOW you were treated like a little trophy your parents wanted to parade and put up on their fireplace shelf. they wanted you to be the smartest, the most musically talented, sportiest...well, you get my drift. i remember i got sick of my parents offering or volunteering my "talents" all the time. i got so tired...overwhelmed...

i just wanted to go to church and sit down with my friends and not have to mark the church bulletin up like it was a game plan ("okay, play interlude between the announcements and the pastor coming out, play the hymn three times instead of four, get ready the song while everyone is still praying...").

I feel like i've always been responsible for something. but being raised with my mom saying, "God gave you talents, you need to use them!" i feel like i'm being selfish if i am not DOING something for others.

anyways, with this whole rental thing, i'm happy that things are working out, but i don't know if i'm cut out to be a landlord. i'm just not built that way...and frankly, i'm not sure i WANT to be built that way. i'd rather spend my time and energy on other things...plus, what little 'intimidating' skills i do have, i use up doing the whole auditing bit at work. *sigh*

but on a lighter note regarding this whole renting my house business...i am now homeless. hehe... yes, that's right. i'm renting my house, but i am now homeless. fortunately, i have friends that are willing to take me off the streets until my house is done being built. i am now living in Eliasib's room (don't worry, mom, Eli's living living in the guest/office while i reside in the house). i now live with a small dog instead of my precious cat. (Thank you, Kevin, for housing my cat in the mean time...i sooo owe you!)

pray for my sanity, people. work is all of a sudden BUSY, and with the whole moving deal and having to be a tough landlady (please, nobody picture me in a mumu, smoking a cigarette with a hairnet and the rolled down stockings), i'm needing your prayers!



hasta!