All Growed Up

I've come to the conclusion that I don't know what I want to do when I grow up.

"Hold...hold...hold on one second," you may be saying. "Aren't you already all growed up?"

i'll give you a yea and nea on that one. yea because, yes, i'm supporting myself on what i do. nea because, well, i don't feel like i've growed up yet.

(and yes, i know i keep using the word "growed"... don't worry your pretty little heads, i assure you, i can talk good... :))

i like what i do, and i can see myself doing this for a while...but does it truly make me happy? i don't think so. currently, i'm working my job then using all my spare time to be involved in making a difference in people's lives through church and the like. someday i wouldn't mind dropping the whole working-just-to-work-and-live part of my life and somehow combine what i find myself doing in life: being responsible/earning a living & helping others.

because it gets tiring sometimes when you have to balance doing one thing because you pretty much have to with the thing you want to do but don't have the time to do due to the thing you have to do...get it?

for example...due to work, i decided to cut back on my church responsibilities...i was going to step back from the leadership, i was going to step back from greeting, serving, singing, playing, and organizing the bulletin.

after i informed the service of my intentions, this is what really happened: i no longer greet, serve, sing, play, or organize the bulletin. however, i have traded that all in to stay on the service planning committee due to the fact that i am now in charge of the music program for our service. *Sigh* not exactly what i had in mind regarding taking a step back, but i was needed, and truth be told, i want to do it. its just that thing that i have to do every day (...what was it called??? oh, yeah, work at my job) gets in the way.

...truthfully, i'm just venting. work is tough right now...well, i'm being tough on myself at work right now considering i have a lot to live up to at work right now. does anyone ever feel as if they're not cut out to do what they think they want to do? bad grades, negative feedback on your performance, not adjusting to your position as well as you thought you would?

anywho...my search for the rich husband continues...(ya know, the Plan B. :))